Former GM CEO Says Getting Saab To Stop Making Unsellable Cars Was, “Like Coughing At A Sleepover To Get Your Friend To Stop Masturbating”

WILMINGTON— B/T was recently granted an interview with former GM CEO Rick Wagoner, and talked with him about what it was like to fully acquire Saab in 2000.

“Well you know the Saab guys never really fit in” he said.

“Engineers from all of the GM marquees used to eat lunch together in a big cafeteria. Usually there was some good brand diversity. Buick guys sat with Pontiac guys, hell even Saturn guys fit in. Even though they were always a little off.”

“But the Saab guys always sat together at the same table. Sometimes they all went out to lunch together at IKEA. Saw them there once getting a sofa for my kid’s dorm.”

What were the sort of things they did? We asked him.

“I remember one time a couple old Buick guys walked over there to try and make friends, you know sit down and eat with them. According to these guys they all just started hissing at them. He said they had some weird drawings going on at lunch too. He said they were drawing up a car with a backwards engine, and a transmission where the oil pan used to be, getting the power to it with a chain.”

“Then somebody said they actually made that.”

We then asked how the restructuring at Saab went.

“Talking to their executives was also a pain. You know, we couldn’t just go in there and tell them to stop drawing weird cup holders. I’m sure if we did that their entire upper management would’ve just packed up and left.”

“It was sort of like when you were a kid and one of your buddies was jerking it at a sleepover, you know, trying to keep it low key? Everyone is still awake though, and nobody wants to call him out, so somebody just coughs or something.”

“It was a lot like that.”

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