Dodge Unveils New 1000 Horsepower Challenger By Having Vin Diesel Push A Horse Into A Jet Engine

AUBURN HILLS— Dodge had a press event last week for the new 2019 Challenger “Eternal Damnation In A Sea Of Fire”, hosted by Vin Diesel. B/T got the invite so we headed down there.

We arrived at the convention center with our ponchos as specified, which seemed strange as the event was indoors, and there was no rain forecast. Vin Diesel soon took the stage.

“ARE YOU READY JOURNALISTS?”

A horse was then lead out onto the stage with a handler. Fire began to shoot out of nozzles behind us. A senior editor from Car and Driver quickly left the room, seeming to know what was about to happen.

On the stage was what appeared to be the engine off the wing of a 747, mounted to the ground. Vin Diesel walked over to a control panel, sliding a lever as far as it would go. The engine began to spool at an alarming rate, deafening the audience. Editors from Jalopnik had goggles ready, as they see this kind of carnage every day in their writing.

Vin Diesel then pointed into the audience, “I SEE THAT FUCKING PHONE MOTORTREND LIEBERMAN, PUT THAT SHIT AWAY”

He then put on his own poncho, which we had forgot to do out of shock.

He lead the horse directly in front of the engine, and pushed it in from behind. The engine stuttered as the animal was instantly vaporized. As the horse exited the exhaust in a massive red mist, the new Challenger emerged from out behind the stage, littered with what was left of the horse.

Heavy rock music began to play, the Challenger began a massive burnout (which would last the entirety of the presentation), and Vin diesel described the new Challengers  specs (yelling over the car and the music).

Strangely, it seemed to be identical to the Hellcat, besides the pulley on the supercharger now being reduced in diameter to three millimeters.

Good shit all in all, looking forward to it next year.

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