BMW Says The New Four Cylinder M3 with Thirteen Turbochargers Captures The Spirit Of The Original

MUNICH— BMW has recently been seen testing the new G80 M3 (Yes they have gotten to G). We managed to stop a test car to ask an engineer about the new M3’s specs.

“The new M3 will be powered by a new four cylinder engine, coupled to thirteen twin scroll turbochargers”, he said. “We think that combined with the new larger footprint of this vehicle, completely numb electric steering, and water injection, the new G80 M3 will be like getting sent right back to 1991.”

We then asked him how the new exhaust on the car will sound, “Well right now its gonna be very similar to the F80, so on cold start it should sound like a dump truck with a rust hole in the down-pipe.” he continued, “And then under acceleration it should just sound like shit.”

Our final question was if any BMW model would ever get smaller.

“We are making an M version of the Seven series, we explicitly said we would never do that. Were also making M versions of pretty much all of our trucks. Not to mention were making the X2. Like what even is that?”

We specified that was not really an answer to our question, which he responded to by driving away.

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